Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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