Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
