Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How does one acquire holy water?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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