you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
