Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize