If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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