I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
