Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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