i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
