if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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