Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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