it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
