woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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