dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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