It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
