I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He passed out mid-signature
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize