it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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