She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
