At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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