So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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