I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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