The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
