We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
