Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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