you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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