what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
