Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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