Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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