I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
