someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
