and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
