i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
