please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
