I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
