So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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