Your dad touched me again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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