Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize