i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
