I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
