you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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