Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
