who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
