I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
