I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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