I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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