i think i have herpe
just one?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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