the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
