I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
