I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
