Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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