What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
