dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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