Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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