i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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