dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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