If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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