I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
