but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
