$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
