Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
