if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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