My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
