Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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