Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
