I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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