I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
