my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
