you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
