OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
