i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
