I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
