I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
