So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
