I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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