Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
