I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
