So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
