I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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