your thong is hanging out like whoa
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
