just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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