it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
