is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize