I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
