Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish you could order shots online.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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