There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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