somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
